Client Currently living in South East Asia.
Thanks, here is an update on how I’ve been feeling recently. I’m feeling like a healing process has definitely begun. I’ve noticed a lot of positive changes in myself since I began counselling and all my reading, writing etc
I feel more rooted in the present. I know that I don’t need to keep running, keep dreaming of the future, but that I should appreciate what I have today, that I’ve already arrived. I don’t need to wait until tomorrow, until I am perfect, to find my joy and peace of mind. I can find joy today in the here and now. This is really a big deal for me. I used to spend so much time thinking about the future even up until quite recently. xxxx and I would spend ages talking about where we are going to travel when we finish our contracts here and where we will live after that and then what we will do etc etc. But we’ve stopped. I realised there’s no point in planning – things change anyway, and we will spend our time and energy focusing on our lives now and making the most of our time here. I’ve realised that if you’re always striving for something different you miss what’s right in front of you, the magic all around.
I am content with the here and now, what I am doing. I don’t need to have my whole life mapped out. It is much more exciting this way – life is much more of an adventure!
I actually feel like I’ve let go of so much old pain that I’ve been carrying around with me for so long. I have barely thought about the past. I used to replay it in my head all the time and feel anxious.For the first time since I can remember, I don’t dwell on the past and I don’t feel guilty and I don’t feel angry and I don’t feel sad when I think about my past and my xxx and xxx. I think I cried all my tears and I don’t think there are any left in me. I don’t feel anxious when I think about xxx and xxx. I don’t feel responsibility towards them for their happiness. I know they are in charge of their own lives and it’s not my place to worry about where their lives are going. I realise that I’m not responsible for my Mum and her drinking. There’s nothing I can do about it.
I feel more accepting of my family and their flaws as well as myself and my flaws. I feel like the burden has been lifted from me. I realise I was hurting myself, and it wasn’t doing myself or anyone any good – it wasn’t making the slightest bit of difference to anyone but me. The idea of sharing responsibility also helped me – I have other family members too, I’m not alone.
I realise how I deserve to be happy and to lead my own life. That I am only responsible for my self and my happiness, and no one else’s. We all have choices and we must own them.
I know that my past will always be a part of me, and I feel content with that and accepting of it, because it’s brought me to where I am today. I feel like I’ve brought so much hidden locked away feelings out into the open. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of now. I can see my past more clearly now, more objectively. I feel like my inner child is smiling now. I feel less isolated and alone knowing that others have been through similar experiences and worse.
Jacqueline Hurst Counsellor
Leamington Spa, and Coventry